Purple Haze All In My Brain…
It’s 1am and you’re not tired in the least. Your selection of beverages during the day (three Red Bulls and a Double Shot Java Chip Frappuccino) may have something to do with your current inability to sleep.
You try to combat the caffeine overload with warm milk and two cups of Sleepytime Tea but neither helps (although the warm milk feels nice and yummy in your stomach). Frustrated, you move on to a more potent liquid and pour yourself a stiff glass of Maker’s Mark on the rocks. This gives you a nice buzz but does nothing to alleviate the insomnia. You have no sleeping pills so, aside from knocking yourself out with a baseball bat, you’re out of ideas.
Why not try the new “anti-energy” beverage called Drank? It’s supposed to help you fall asleep and allegedly tastes good with vodka. Think I’m making this up? Take a look at the recent press release issued by Drank’s manufacturers, Innovative Beverage Group:
“Slow Your Roll” With DRANK: The World’s First Lifestyle Relaxation Beverage
Sounds like a non-narcotic version of Purple Drank doesn’t it? All natural ingredients, no promethazine, no codeine. In other words, no kick. This is excellent if you’re looking to fall out but if you’re not, ditch the Drank! and reach for a bottle of Sizzurp instead. The purple passion fruit cocktail was created by Rappin’ Brands with the Diplomats’ Jim Jones and Cam’ron. Straight Up Brands recently took control of the Dipset-backed liqueur following their acquisition of Rappin’ Brands earlier this year.
According to the distributor, Sizzurp is:
An exotic blend of premium imported cognac, vodka and natural fruits. The combination of these high quality ingredients results in a drink unsurpassed by any other in its category. The original formula, years in the making made popular on the streets of Houston has been secretly reformulated to the most palate pleasing liquid available today!
Aside from drinking it straight, you can also apparently use it to make a number of interesting cocktails like this one:
4 oz Sizzurp
2 oz Hennessey
1/2 oz grape juice
1/2 oz pineapple juice
Blend ingredients together with ice. Shake and pour into a chilled glass.
Now, if getting sleepy or buzzed isn’t enough for you (ie., you’re a total junkie and want to get REALLY fucked up), there’s one last purple-colored beverage you can try: the notorious Flaming Moe (aka the Flaming Homer). The recipe is as follows:
The Flaming Moe
1 oz Brandy
1/2 oz Blackberry Liqueur
1 oz Creme de Menthe
1 oz Sloe Gin
1 oz pineapple juice
2 tbs grape cough syrup
Add ingredients to cocktail shaker. Add crushed ice and shake well. Strain into cocktail glass. Light on fire.
There is a controversial variation of this cocktail called the Flaming Krusty which should only be imbibed by hopeless alcoholics/addicts as it can cause permanent memory loss. Fortuitus usus caveo!
* Please note: these bizarre, mind-altering purple beverages should NOT be confused with Purple Drink (aka Purple Stuff).